The Summer sky blinked out today in what seemed like an instant when I realized the liberation of leaves from their hold to hosts.
at the realization that cold weather studies are approaching my interest.
at the realization of jackets and scarves and golden, crunchy walkways.
at the realization of the hollow and intrinsic scents of a death so appealing.
at the realization of romantic notions that the fall should hold a nostalgic fascination.
at the realization that cheeks are roses and noses are meek.
at the realization accompanying my skin tone, untouched by a distant sun.
at the realization of a rustle in my hair that stutters down my spine.
at the realization concerning my anticipation of a feeling so sweet that attends seasons unrealized at present.
at the realization.
At the realization of Autumn, hello.
Andrew R. M. Hanson
Sunday, August 16, 2009
Thursday, July 16, 2009
The Person I Present, According To the Persons I Observe
Hey, my friends. I mean, no one's doing these blogs anymore! It's kinda sad. Ya know? Things happen, new lives are begun and directions in life split into innumerable branches in the great tree of life that is always growing bigger. Yeah, I'm not really like that, talking all poetic and what not. Maybe I'm just crazy. Or maybe just a little bit.
So, I like Switchfoot and I like talking about nothing in general when I'm tired. And I said that because I know that you just desperately desired to hear (read) it. Why do folks say what they like and what hobbies they partake in as if someone actually cared or gave a goat's beard what they do on a day-to-day basis? I mean, seriously. Some folks may actually care to find out if the said person is suitable match for themselves by sneaking a stalker-peek at their statuses in life. But really, c'mon. That's only the good stuff that's advertised. What about the bad in a person?
k, so, this brings up an issue that I deal with in myself. I think you'll all enjoy reading about me, so I'll write it out. Or perhaps that's the fascination we find in studying other humans. It's not about another person, but about ourselves. A read of another human is a read of ourselves, figuratively speaking and what not. An inside look at another insane human's mind that we can compare ourselves to to discover the condition we each are in.
...then adjust your personal character conditionally to the observed specifications of said subject to aleve self-scrutiny for an undisclosed amount of time...
This is gonna be a great blog. Undoubtedly the greatest I've ever written. But back to the topic: The person I present according to the persons I've observed. Yes, I am peer-pressured. It's crazy to think about how so much of my time goes into contemplating how I should respond to viewing how someone else responds to how I respond. Why can't I simply respond? Well, I can, but I've conditioned myself to think that I can't.
So, here's the catcher. The only reason I've conditioned myself to think that I can't is because I see myself through another's eyes, which, in turn, is the result of my conditioning. So I've actually gone in full circle, digging in deeper to the trap I was all ready in! I see the person other persons are looking at because I really can't observe myself. But someone else can so they're the object of fashioning to what I adhere my attention, because they know what's going on.
Well, actually, they could, and most likely are, doing the exact same thing that I do. Perhaps not to me, but there's something that they are fashioning their character after. We are obviously built to do so. Then why do we fashion ourselves after something just as flawed and borrowed presentation oriented as we are? There's something wrong with that picture.
God made us who we are. He didn't make us the reflection of our neighbor or Johnny Depp. He made us the reflection of Him. He doesn't look to anyone but Himself to create a man. When He made the strong, rugged, gallant form of man, He looked at Himself and said, "It is very good."
Very good? Not just good? Very good. What we were made to be is very good. Unfortunately, no man or woman or child is very good anymore. Nor are we even good. So we should fashion ourselves according to popular culture's demand for a Mr. Right or a Mrs. Independent? I should say not! Our substance is derived from the breath of the living God and has every potential to be in perfect harmony with His Spirit. He dresses the flowers and feeds the birds. Why do I get all messed up inside over things?
Ok. So take the good aspects of God in man and apply those things, but don't be afraid to see and admit the bad. I guess that's what I was originally getting at. We are bad boys and girls sometimes and are not constantly acting in the Spirit after our rebirth and acceptance of Him. Don't be a perfect know-it-all. God reveals more and more over time, but until He's taking you to a better place called Heaven, you're not going to find the perfect body to sport. Or even the right reason to sport your awesome good looks!
But when we're there in the air our understanding will be bare. That is, everything will become open knowledge and then we'll just understand why we have to worship Him. May as well start now, eh?
...He's making me like Him...
Andrew R. M. Hanson
So, I like Switchfoot and I like talking about nothing in general when I'm tired. And I said that because I know that you just desperately desired to hear (read) it. Why do folks say what they like and what hobbies they partake in as if someone actually cared or gave a goat's beard what they do on a day-to-day basis? I mean, seriously. Some folks may actually care to find out if the said person is suitable match for themselves by sneaking a stalker-peek at their statuses in life. But really, c'mon. That's only the good stuff that's advertised. What about the bad in a person?
k, so, this brings up an issue that I deal with in myself. I think you'll all enjoy reading about me, so I'll write it out. Or perhaps that's the fascination we find in studying other humans. It's not about another person, but about ourselves. A read of another human is a read of ourselves, figuratively speaking and what not. An inside look at another insane human's mind that we can compare ourselves to to discover the condition we each are in.
...then adjust your personal character conditionally to the observed specifications of said subject to aleve self-scrutiny for an undisclosed amount of time...
This is gonna be a great blog. Undoubtedly the greatest I've ever written. But back to the topic: The person I present according to the persons I've observed. Yes, I am peer-pressured. It's crazy to think about how so much of my time goes into contemplating how I should respond to viewing how someone else responds to how I respond. Why can't I simply respond? Well, I can, but I've conditioned myself to think that I can't.
So, here's the catcher. The only reason I've conditioned myself to think that I can't is because I see myself through another's eyes, which, in turn, is the result of my conditioning. So I've actually gone in full circle, digging in deeper to the trap I was all ready in! I see the person other persons are looking at because I really can't observe myself. But someone else can so they're the object of fashioning to what I adhere my attention, because they know what's going on.
Well, actually, they could, and most likely are, doing the exact same thing that I do. Perhaps not to me, but there's something that they are fashioning their character after. We are obviously built to do so. Then why do we fashion ourselves after something just as flawed and borrowed presentation oriented as we are? There's something wrong with that picture.
God made us who we are. He didn't make us the reflection of our neighbor or Johnny Depp. He made us the reflection of Him. He doesn't look to anyone but Himself to create a man. When He made the strong, rugged, gallant form of man, He looked at Himself and said, "It is very good."
Very good? Not just good? Very good. What we were made to be is very good. Unfortunately, no man or woman or child is very good anymore. Nor are we even good. So we should fashion ourselves according to popular culture's demand for a Mr. Right or a Mrs. Independent? I should say not! Our substance is derived from the breath of the living God and has every potential to be in perfect harmony with His Spirit. He dresses the flowers and feeds the birds. Why do I get all messed up inside over things?
Ok. So take the good aspects of God in man and apply those things, but don't be afraid to see and admit the bad. I guess that's what I was originally getting at. We are bad boys and girls sometimes and are not constantly acting in the Spirit after our rebirth and acceptance of Him. Don't be a perfect know-it-all. God reveals more and more over time, but until He's taking you to a better place called Heaven, you're not going to find the perfect body to sport. Or even the right reason to sport your awesome good looks!
But when we're there in the air our understanding will be bare. That is, everything will become open knowledge and then we'll just understand why we have to worship Him. May as well start now, eh?
...He's making me like Him...
Andrew R. M. Hanson
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Saturday, June 6, 2009
Monday, May 11, 2009
Entitlement vs. Contentment
I'm ambitious for Summer. A lot is happening. My little brother is getting married in June. Another one of my friends is getting married the same day as my brother. The church taking mission trips that I'm not involved with (what?!?!) and my brothers and I are trying to organize the recording of our first album over the hot, blustery afternoons and evenings. My whole family is going to Ark. later to celebrate my grandparents' 50th wedding anniversary, which means I must be getting up there in age. But I'm still young. I feel young! Isn't that cool?!
I feel eager and expectant about this year; as if I know somewhere inside that it's a new chapter in life; as if I've come to a point from which I can propel myself into a cyclone of accomplishment. Things are looking up. Things will never be the same. This year, this Summer, something's culminating inside, waiting to burst out of my bones. There's a fire inside me that I haven't felt for the longest time. The world felt like it was ending for a while. Now I realize that it was and still is but pair that idea with the reality that it's not over yet.
I can write songs again. I can feel them coming on every day all day long. I was conversing with my Mom and she noticed that during the conversation I would occasionally stare off into the distance and move my lips to an indiscernible pattern of words, rhymes and analogies forming in my mind. I hope I don't seem too incredibly rude when this happens. I'm not crazy, just unfocused.
Although, I am so incredibly focused on music that I don't think I shall soon be focused on much else again. That's why I'm glad college is over for the Summer and that college is over in the first two semesters. Though it was music, it was music other than the music I wanted to focus on and it was certainly needful of attention given it because of the expanding ideas and structures it built in my mind. So it was good. But it's good to be done.
There's a lot of help in this life. It's good, but there comes a point when there's too much help. All this technology and constant get-it-now mindset is exhausting to say the least. Self-help, love online, microwave ovens, etc. It's all around us. So that's exactly where we are. In the midst of all that's around us. In the middle of chaos. Easy to focus on if you aren't careful. So many people monopolize on the depression and general discontentment that they feel and are set on having their entitlements and rights recognized. 'Feel sorry for me,' is the common attitude I see. Even in Christians. I don't wanna be that. I don't wanna go down that path anymore. There's a fire alive inside me and a world that is swiftly ending, but not over yet.
Let the fire out; light up the night.
Andrew R. M. Hanson
I feel eager and expectant about this year; as if I know somewhere inside that it's a new chapter in life; as if I've come to a point from which I can propel myself into a cyclone of accomplishment. Things are looking up. Things will never be the same. This year, this Summer, something's culminating inside, waiting to burst out of my bones. There's a fire inside me that I haven't felt for the longest time. The world felt like it was ending for a while. Now I realize that it was and still is but pair that idea with the reality that it's not over yet.
I can write songs again. I can feel them coming on every day all day long. I was conversing with my Mom and she noticed that during the conversation I would occasionally stare off into the distance and move my lips to an indiscernible pattern of words, rhymes and analogies forming in my mind. I hope I don't seem too incredibly rude when this happens. I'm not crazy, just unfocused.
Although, I am so incredibly focused on music that I don't think I shall soon be focused on much else again. That's why I'm glad college is over for the Summer and that college is over in the first two semesters. Though it was music, it was music other than the music I wanted to focus on and it was certainly needful of attention given it because of the expanding ideas and structures it built in my mind. So it was good. But it's good to be done.
There's a lot of help in this life. It's good, but there comes a point when there's too much help. All this technology and constant get-it-now mindset is exhausting to say the least. Self-help, love online, microwave ovens, etc. It's all around us. So that's exactly where we are. In the midst of all that's around us. In the middle of chaos. Easy to focus on if you aren't careful. So many people monopolize on the depression and general discontentment that they feel and are set on having their entitlements and rights recognized. 'Feel sorry for me,' is the common attitude I see. Even in Christians. I don't wanna be that. I don't wanna go down that path anymore. There's a fire alive inside me and a world that is swiftly ending, but not over yet.
Let the fire out; light up the night.
Andrew R. M. Hanson
Friday, March 13, 2009
Macedonians and Gypsies (Me and Me).
Hey everybody,
When I've been standing for a little bit too long I get to thinking. Because when blood isn't pumping to my muscles it's pumping to my head. That's why I think that I get a headache if I think too long. 'Cause that happens.
I've been thinking, and right now I have absolutely no ambition to write, yet I'm typing out letters on a keyboard. I've been doing this for a while today. This was the last day of school for two weeks. I'm now officially on Spring Break. And where or what am I doing, you ask? Why, traveling to Macedonia of course! Our long enduring mission with the people of this newly independent country is consistently upholding and moving forward. The first six-eighths of the team has already departed and arrived in the country where they have stayed for three days now. Almost four.
Yes, it's been two years since my last visit to the beautiful country of Macedonia and its capital, Skopje (sko-pee-ya). I am anxious to visit once again the city of Veles. What a wonderful, old city full of history and culture. Quite a mixture of culture really, what with the Gypsies in the hills and the Macedonians in the valley. We have found that the Macedonians sometimes do not like to associate with the Gypsy people. Perhaps most of the time. They are reclusive to inter-mingle. However, a wonderful thing is happening that shall surely prove to be a great testimony for our God. The body of Christ in Veles (which is a very small part of the body) is learning and making an effort to connect and have godly relations with the Gypsies. They are attempting to close the racial gap, to bring true unity to the body as Christ had prayed, that the world may know that He and our Father are one. And so that will be part of our mission while we are there.
I will be leaving in two days, Sunday. I suppose it would be good to pack the necessary items for such a trip. I think that I shall do that. Also a good thing to do; Pray. A lot. This trip is really a more personal journey than have been the previous endeavors. I have, over the past year, become more aware of who God is and what it takes on our parts to follow Him, what it means to follow Him. I believe it can tie directly into how the Macedonians and Gypsies relate to one another. For you see, I have a city in me that splits at the lineal seam.
Dreary monotonies wear at your flesh and tell you that you're only growing more sparse and secluded unto yourself, which effects I can see. You begin to realize your identity and what it is that you've tried to portray, you see who it is that you wanted to be and who you have presented to yourself without care of acceptance by yourself. Insecurities and inhibitions, along with regrets, prove that you've become what you've wanted and it left you looking to become something else. The person that you saw in yourself and tried to bring out into professional life is still the embodiment of what it is you hate inside. There's still the fear and there's still the addictions, and the longing for an easier way out.
I've found that true satisfaction in God is the only redemption for all my thinking. When I am truly joyful in Him I can see the form of what He made me to be, and it's not all this questioning why it was better in the old days. It's not trying to prove to myself that I am a success. Christ will take what is actually me, and what I've created becomes nothing but a void. There's a hope and a purpose for tomorrow. The microwave I use to speed me along doesn't really slow time as I assumed. In time I recognize that today is presently upon me and Christ is the director of an act too comedic and epic for any thought process or book full of victories to truly expound upon to the depth of which I have need. He has made us to be like Him. What that is cannot be wholly understood right now through any human mind, but seek understanding and knowledge and wisdom. One day, our self-made embodiments of doubt will die eternally and we will live with absolute freedom, declaring and rejoicing in the satisfaction that Yahweh alone is. Regardless, we will know truth, or the lack thereof. But eventually, we will be one race or the other.
Help me to be the embodiment of You.
Andrew
When I've been standing for a little bit too long I get to thinking. Because when blood isn't pumping to my muscles it's pumping to my head. That's why I think that I get a headache if I think too long. 'Cause that happens.
I've been thinking, and right now I have absolutely no ambition to write, yet I'm typing out letters on a keyboard. I've been doing this for a while today. This was the last day of school for two weeks. I'm now officially on Spring Break. And where or what am I doing, you ask? Why, traveling to Macedonia of course! Our long enduring mission with the people of this newly independent country is consistently upholding and moving forward. The first six-eighths of the team has already departed and arrived in the country where they have stayed for three days now. Almost four.
Yes, it's been two years since my last visit to the beautiful country of Macedonia and its capital, Skopje (sko-pee-ya). I am anxious to visit once again the city of Veles. What a wonderful, old city full of history and culture. Quite a mixture of culture really, what with the Gypsies in the hills and the Macedonians in the valley. We have found that the Macedonians sometimes do not like to associate with the Gypsy people. Perhaps most of the time. They are reclusive to inter-mingle. However, a wonderful thing is happening that shall surely prove to be a great testimony for our God. The body of Christ in Veles (which is a very small part of the body) is learning and making an effort to connect and have godly relations with the Gypsies. They are attempting to close the racial gap, to bring true unity to the body as Christ had prayed, that the world may know that He and our Father are one. And so that will be part of our mission while we are there.
I will be leaving in two days, Sunday. I suppose it would be good to pack the necessary items for such a trip. I think that I shall do that. Also a good thing to do; Pray. A lot. This trip is really a more personal journey than have been the previous endeavors. I have, over the past year, become more aware of who God is and what it takes on our parts to follow Him, what it means to follow Him. I believe it can tie directly into how the Macedonians and Gypsies relate to one another. For you see, I have a city in me that splits at the lineal seam.
Dreary monotonies wear at your flesh and tell you that you're only growing more sparse and secluded unto yourself, which effects I can see. You begin to realize your identity and what it is that you've tried to portray, you see who it is that you wanted to be and who you have presented to yourself without care of acceptance by yourself. Insecurities and inhibitions, along with regrets, prove that you've become what you've wanted and it left you looking to become something else. The person that you saw in yourself and tried to bring out into professional life is still the embodiment of what it is you hate inside. There's still the fear and there's still the addictions, and the longing for an easier way out.
I've found that true satisfaction in God is the only redemption for all my thinking. When I am truly joyful in Him I can see the form of what He made me to be, and it's not all this questioning why it was better in the old days. It's not trying to prove to myself that I am a success. Christ will take what is actually me, and what I've created becomes nothing but a void. There's a hope and a purpose for tomorrow. The microwave I use to speed me along doesn't really slow time as I assumed. In time I recognize that today is presently upon me and Christ is the director of an act too comedic and epic for any thought process or book full of victories to truly expound upon to the depth of which I have need. He has made us to be like Him. What that is cannot be wholly understood right now through any human mind, but seek understanding and knowledge and wisdom. One day, our self-made embodiments of doubt will die eternally and we will live with absolute freedom, declaring and rejoicing in the satisfaction that Yahweh alone is. Regardless, we will know truth, or the lack thereof. But eventually, we will be one race or the other.
Help me to be the embodiment of You.
Andrew
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